It seems like I turned my back on Funk Schnook for maybe five seconds or so and when I look back he has all this new stuff out at FNKY!Â I honestly don’t know how he does it.Â Clearly he’s some kind of mad creative genius, the kind that’s maybe just a little bit scary when you stand real close.
Funk’s new FNKY! Kicks casual shoes include five different sizes, so you should have no trouble finding one that fits you well, whether you’re a delicate flower of a Southern girl or the biggest and manliest of manly men.
The Medium size (the middle size in the range of five) is the smallest I can wear without my feet jamming through the sides, and they fit well without making my feet look like I’ve somehow gotten them stuck in lifeboats.Â The soles feature a classic stamped-rubber texture.Â This may be a small thing in the big picture, but I love it–call me crazy, but I think it’s way funÂ to have a little something to look at when you’re flying.Â Check the heel for the official FNKY! logo.
Funk has opted toÂ simulate laces with a detailed photographic Â texture rather than prim construction, a different design choice than I’ve seen on some other sneaks.Â Although you don’tÂ get quite the same impression of 3-D relief and “presence” in up-close inspection, I think the result looks great.Â The suede texture is gorgeous and in quality rivals texture work I’ve seen on fine dress shoes, including Funk’s own.Â The white rubber sole edges (with black piping, no less!) are authentic to the nth degree.Â Available in eight different colors (shown in Red) for L$550 a pair or, if you just can’t live without options,Â L$3500 for the pack of all eight.
I don’t know about you, but every once in a while I have one of those days where my hair just doesn’t want to do anything at all for me.Â Hats and caps were invented for such days.Â Funk’s new ball caps make the whole thing much easier to manage–they’re scripted for size change and front-to-back flip via touch menu.Â When sized properly, they’re realistically close-fitting and work best without interference from prim hair…but if it’s one of those days, isn’t that the point?Â Available in 18 different color combinations and priced at L$300 for a single hat, L$2500 for the whole pack.
Although it won’t actually help you shareÂ your tunes with friends and neighbors, the Big
Ass Bass BoomBox has looks and attitude to spare and will no doubt greatly enhance your own rowdy reputation.Â It’s provided in bothÂ hand-held (not shown) and shoulder strap (small and large sizes) versions for flexibility and convenience.Â What turns the FUN dial to 11, though, is the variety of scripted effects available via touch menu.Â You can choose from speaker, VU meter and “sound wave” animations–speaker drivers look like they’re thumpin’, VU needles oscillate wildly (red zone?Â what red zone?) andÂ animated sound waves radiate outward.Â Although I sometimes think myself jaded, I found all these surprisingly cool and fun to play with.Â Sadly, I could not manage to take pictures that did justice to any of them–they simply have to be seen in action.Â If you catch me inworld, I’ll be happy to give you a quick demo so you can see for yourself (Limited Time Offer, Subject To Availability, May Be Withdrawn Without Notice).Â The Big Ass Bass BoomBox comes in eight different colors and will set you back L$400 for one, L$1500 for the pack.
But maybe you’re more ofÂ a quiet, introspective type, and you keep your tunes to yourself.Â Maybe you just prefer to shut the world out sometimes.Â Maybe you just want to look untouchably cool.Â Funk’s new headphones have you covered.Â All feature great styling, from the smart throwback looks of the RetroPhones to the sleek lines of the V700sÂ to the no-nonsense curves of the V800 “DJ” model.Â All can be worn either loose around your neck, to show people that you might beÂ listening to them,Â or over your ears, to show that you’re definitely not.
Shown above, left to right:Â RetroPhones, available in eight colors (shown in Sunburst), L$300 for singles, L$1200 for the pack; MDJ-V700 II Pro headphones, available in eight colors (shown in Chrome), L$400 for singles, L$1500 for the pack; MDJ-V800 Pro DJ headphones, available in eight colors (shown in Chrome), L$375 for singles, L$1500 for the pack.
As with the boombox, what makes these kickass toys are the various scripted effects Funk has built in.Â Depending on which model of ‘phones you’re playing with, available effects can include moving neon lighting, hardware lighting glow, and animated sound waves.Â Again, I couldn’t get pictures of any of this coolness that were worth a crap, so you’ll just have to trust me, or beg me for a demo.Â Hey, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
You need some new toys, don’t you?Â Go shopping!Â All available at FNKY!Â (FNKY Cake 128, 45, 24).